Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
This is my life. Enjoy the view
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
