i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
