you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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