broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
