we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
