i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Blood and glitter go together right?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
