I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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