Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Randomize
