This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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