So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
