jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
Randomize
