I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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