I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
