K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
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