The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize
