found the other keg... it's in the tree
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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