why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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