Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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