My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
