I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
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