i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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