If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
my penis made a compromise with my morals
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
