her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
