Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
