this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Are we still banned from the library?
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
