I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
