You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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