I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
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