I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
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