We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
