can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize
