he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
