I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
