They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
