i don't plan on having that self control this summer
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
