so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
