Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
If that was your dad, he is hot
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
