I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
