If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
