Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
