Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
