I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
