everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
