i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
my sisters under your porch take her home
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
