it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
