Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
