Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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