i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
