UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
