I think scott just propositioned me for sex
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
