If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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