I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
I can't put those talents on a resume
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Randomize
