u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
farters have to be the big spoon...
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Randomize
