Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
