theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
